My motivation of the moment

Last weekend I ended up going shopping with my sister. It was a cool and cloudy day so we didn't last on the beach for very long. We didn't plan on shopping, and I wasn't even in the mood after the long brunch we had just finished. BUT! The stores were having sidewalk sales...so we looked. My sister was pretty successful at finding amazing deals, but I was less than thrilled with what I saw.

Then at the last store, something sparkly caught me attention out of the corner of my eye. (I'm such a girl) I meandered over to find the most beautiful piece of clothing I had found in a long time.

I fell in love with it instantly. But....would it fit? They only had a medium and two smalls. I am definitely not a small, haven't been since high school, and probably never will be again. So I crossed my fingers and went into the dressing room with the medium.

For those of you who don't know me I have the ass equivalent of a black girl's: big and round. I almost got it zipped all the way up but I didn't want to rip it. It was just a little too tight (and short- which I can deal with if it isn't too tight).

So I tried to get my sister to buy it, hoping maybe I would slim down another 5 and be able to borrow it. But she wasn't in love with it like I was. So I tried it on one more time w/ her in the dressing room and she was like 'wait, a minute...you can fit into this' and got me in. If I just lost another 5 lbs (which is half of what my goal is) then it would fit perfectly.

So I bought it.

I never do that. I forced myself to stop buying clothes that didn't fit with the hopes of fitting into them a few years ago. But this was different. It was gorgeous. You know when you see little girls who wear tutus all day everyday? This skirt makes me feel the adult equivalent to little girls who only want to wear tutus. I want to wear it everyday.

I hung it up on my armoir and every time I look at it it reminds me that I am going to fit into it by my 30th birthday (less than 2 months away). It is my motivation to eat the way I know I need to in order to be healthy and lose that last 10 lbs. It may seem superficial, but whatever!

And no I'm not starving myself. I've figured out how I can eat to lose weight and still feel satisfied. More on that tomorrow....

Hunger Pains

I'm not talking about physical hunger, like "I haven't eaten in hours and my stomach is growling". I'm talking about the hunger pains you get when something in your life is missing, or maybe a lot of things in your life are missing. How do you feed that hunger for love from others, a career you love, a life you love? SHOPPING!

I used to shop my hunger pains away and the degree of my shopping sprees were based on how miserable I was at the time. I think I figured out why so many people buy so many things. Getting new things fills the void.

When I was living in Atlanta I was at the height of hating my life and thus my bank account suffered. I hated my job and felt like I was stuck there because I had signed a year lease on my apartment and made the move from Savannah to Atlanta. I made a commitment to my employer. Plus, I wasn't ready to move home yet, which was pretty much my only other option at that point. I had no serious love interests and within months of moving to ATL all of my friends had serious boyfriends and became much less available. That was the first time in my life that I was truly lonely.

So I shopped. I bought clothes, shoes, more shoes, furniture, and sporting goods for my new hobbies to fill the alone time I had so much of. No wonder I was always running low on funds. I was shopping every week, several times a week. I would buy new things and then lose interest in them rather quickly. Like with clothes. I wore something a few times at the most and then didn't like it anymore. So I would go out and buy new.

Fast forward to now and I feel the exact opposite about most everything in my life. Aside from the fact that I'm completely and totally single, I am really happy about everything else that is going on in my life. I am finally (!!!!!!!) doing something that I love and that I actually think will make a difference in people's lives, I love where I live, I love my friends and family, and I just got a beautiful new car! And guess what I have zero urge to do? SHOP!

I'm not kidding, this is probably the happiest I've ever been in my adult life and the least I have shopped. EVER! I went shopping once at the beginning of May and bought a few things that I needed, but other than that nothing. My favorite past time is usually digging for hours in the racks at Marshall's and I haven't been there in many months.

Happiness is a work in progress and I think for a lot of people (including myself) it is something that has to be worked on constantly. Instead of buying my happiness, I am working on filling those voids with substance.

So the question of the day is if you are filling your life with stuff, what void are you actually trying to fill? 

GOAL: Live to 110 years of age

Cutest centenarian ever!
(Source) 

I just finished a book called The Blue Zone that talks about the four areas around the globe where there are the highest percentage of centenarians (people who live to 100 years of age). The four areas are Sardinia, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; the Nicoya Pininsula, Costa Rica; and the Seventh Day Adventists in Loma Linda, Southern California. This book interviewed many centenarians and their families over the course of several years to figure out what were the characteristics that set them up for a long, healthy life.

I am interested in this because of a couple of reasons. Just recently I realized that I want to live to be a centenarian. I wondered how does one do that? Also, even if I don't end up living that long, I want to have the best possible quality of life for as long as I can.

This book touches on both of those topics.

In a nutshell, here are the principles that people in these Blue Zones lived by:

• Surround yourself with family and friends. Almost all of the centenarians interviewed lived with their children and grandchildren and also had a consistent social obligations from playing cards with friends, to morning group exercises, to going to church. Each area had different customs, but all of the four areas were consistent in that they all put a great deal of emphasis on being with other people everyday. 
• Don't let stress get the better of you. Maybe it comes with age, maybe these people were born with a stress-free attitude, or maybe it is part of their cultures. One thing is for sure, the centenarians had a very care-free way about them. They also had downtime, either everyday or every week. It was built into their lives. Costa Ricans would rest everyday in the late afternoon. The Seventh Day Adventists would have a day of rest every weekend. No work, no homework, just family and fun activities.
• Be active every day. The stories of the centenarians in this book tells of them chopping wood into their late 90's, riding bicycles, walking for miles everyday, gardening into their 100's, sitting on the floor cross legged and getting up and down with ease and grace. (How many elderly people do you know that can do that?) 
• Eat unprocessed foods. All of the four cultures ate completely differently. But they ate real food, food that was culturally theirs. They didn't eat fast food. They made just about everything. The centenarians in Costa Rica ate eggs, coffee, tropical fruits, corn and beans. In Okinawa they ate fish, rice, seaweeds, sweet potatoes, and vegetables. In Sardinia, the people ate a diet of whole grain breads, beans, garden vegetables, fruits, and goat's milk. The individual foods were different, but the principles were the same- whole foods cooked at home.
• Spend time in the sun. When the sun touches our skin it starts a chain reaction in our body that ends up producing Vitamin D. Vitamin D is not actually a vitamin but a hormone that controls the absorption of all other vitamins and minerals as well as the function of our immune system. These centenarians all lived in temperate to tropical climates that allowed them to get outdoors and get Vitamin D for a large majority of the year. Since they were accustomed to working outdoors (farming, shepherding, relaxing) their entire lives, they were inadvertently making plenty of Vitamin D. 

This book really struck a cord with me. It's so SIMPLE!!!  How did we stray so far from what seems to create a happy and healthy life? I feel like I have been getting back to basics as of late. I feel the need more so now than ever to be happy and healthy. I have been thinking recently that health is about much more than the food you eat. It's the whole picture. 

"People talk about curing cancer and heart disease, and of course it is an important and worthy goal that can happen soon enough. But there are simple things everyone could be doing right now that would save so much money and suffering- like drinking enough water everyday, exercise, and eating healthy food. But hey, " Wareham said, suddenly catching himself in is fervor, "everybody has his own idea about these things- it's their lives, after all. You can tell somebody what to do, but it's up to them whether they do it. But you can tell them how good you feel."

~quote from The Blue Zone 

A Lucky Break

Yesterday was one of those days when you realize how lucky you really are, and all the S-H-I-T that you worry about really doesn't matter. My sister was horseback riding and fell off when her horse tripped. Luckily she only broke her shoulder. We all realize it could have turned out so much worse which made me think about how lucky we all are to be here and be healthy. That the little things that often consume us don't really matter. That family is the most important thing in the world. And that the people that are in your life should enrich it, not take your time and energy.

I have often thought that my sister and I were "lucky" (if you believe in luck). With all of the stupid things we've done, and all of the situations we got ourselves into that could have turned out so much worse. Yesterday was another one of those "We are so lucky!" moments.

I love you Julie!!!!!

Seeing the Forest Through the Trees

Isn't it funny how we can get completely wrapped up in something that goes against who we are, what we believe in, and how we want to live our lives? It's funny now because I'm out of the worst of it. But 2 months ago it was all I could do to figure out how I was going to live without someone I had been in love with for so long.

With distance comes perspective. I know now that I was lying to myself about the whole situation and hoping and waiting for it to get better. All the while, my gut was telling me 'get out...this isn't you...why are you putting up with this S-H-I-T?' There were red flags going back to the beginning, and if I knew then what I know now I definitely would not have entertained the idea of a relationship. Still I loved.

But that's why they say hindsight is 20/20. If only foresight was 20/20.

Over the past two years I have really changed my lifestyle. At the time when we started dating I was concerned with little other than my plans for the weekend. I hadn't been effected by losing anyone to cancer yet; I still thought myself invincible. But more than that has changed. I feel like changing the food that I eat has changed the way I look at things. I learned that if I am to accomplish the things I want to accomplish I am going to have to surround myself with positive people who support me. I am going to have to be diligent about who I give my time and energy to. I am going to have to listen to myself, because deep down I know when something I am doing or someone I am spending time with doesn't agree with me.

Anyway, the reason I am writing to you about this is because I firmly believe that your state of mind and your state of happiness (or unhappiness) effects your health. Arguing is a stress response. Anxiety is a stress response. Crying is a stress response. Frustration is a stress response. All of these negative emotions have a physiological impact on your body and health. The hormones that are released during a stress response negatively impact your immune system which is in charge of keeping you healthy by getting rid of the bad things like bacteria and cancer cells. When you are constantly under stress (either self imposed or from something beyond your control) your immune system can't keep up.

There is already plenty of stressful S-H-I-T that we have to deal with in everyday life. Why is it then that we get stuck dating/marrying/living with/being friends with people who don't make us happy? Who hurt us emotionally and even physically? Who make our lives difficult? Who make you think maybe you are the problem and that you will never find anyone 'as good to you as they are'?

Who we choose to spend our lives with is one of the few things that we have control over, and in my opinion is one of the most important.

It's easy to get sucked into something without thinking about it. I'm sure as hell guilty of that. But this is going to be one of the things that I am aware of from now on, because I want to be totally conscious in choosing someone that is going to be such a huge part of my life- someone who could possibly impact my health. And (for the record) I will find someone who treats me better. That will be easy.

What are your views on peoples' mental state and their health? Do you think that being perpetually angry/sad/frustrated has anything to do with how they feel physically? or how sick they become?

Lunch with Lisa

just kidding!

TWO WEEKS AGO I got this intense craving for vegetable juice. I mean like celery, kale, brocolli- the real serious stuff. I have never craved vegetable juice EVER in my life. So since I didn't have a juicer handy I started smoothie-ing. It had been a while since I was doing the dark green smoothies but they were easy to get back into.

• kale, handful
• spinach, handful
• celery, 1/2 stalk
• parsley, a couple sprigs 
• 2 green apples
• 2 bananas
• 2 kiwi
• juice of 1 lemon
• 1" piece fresh ginger

ONE WEEK AGO I was just coming off of quite possibly the worst EPISODE (PMS) of my life and went right into a full blown cold. I felt like poop for a full week and spent at least half of that week in bed. I was emotional, fed up, and exhausted. You know when you just hit a wall and you know something has to change? Well that was me over the past two weeks. When I get like that it means that I am not being true to who I really am and everything ends up changing. I end relationships, I change the way that I eat, I do anything I can to stop the madness and re-balance myself. This all happened over the last week.

I started eating a lot more fruits and vegetables because I knew that it would instantly make me feel better. And it did. I stopped lying to myself and waiting for my relationship to get better and magically morph into what I actually want and need. And it ended.

YESTERDAY, one day after the WORST Valentines Day in the history of Valentines Days, I met Lisa for lunch at Whole Foods. What a breath of fresh air! We went to high school together, but sadly were not friends back then. ;(  We only reconnected last summer when I realized that she was a Holistic Nutritional Consultant and I wanted to talk with her about what she and I were doing.

I just finished the book Green For Life by Victoria Boutenko which talks about being raw and specifically green smoothie-ing. In it are a bunch of testimonials from people with a whole range of problems. All of them have been helped if not completely cured by increasing the amount of raw fruits and vegetables in their diet ranging from green smoothies in the morning all the way to going fully 100% raw.

One of the things that Lisa said, which I had read before, is that green vegetables are high in minerals, specifically calcium and magnesium. Well, guess what one of the symptoms of a mineral deficiency is? Really bad periods. Hmph...go figure! So weird that all of a sudden I was craving dark green vegetable juice. Not really, I feel like since I cut out most processed foods my body tells me what it needs now in way of cravings. I don't crave potato chips anymore or Pringles or Oreos. I crave kale and broccoli. Ha, I never thought this would happen.

If you remember I tried this going raw thing a few months ago right when we were going into winter, and for several reasons it was a miserable failure. But I feel like I am ready once again to try, so I asked Lisa if she would be able to make me some dinners that were heavier so it would feel like I am eating "real food". Ha, I say real food like raw food is fake. That's not what I meant. I meant cooked food. 


I feel like this time I am in a better place emotionally and physically. It is a huge motivator when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Plus now is a good time, according to Lisa, to transition with the heavier raw foods because shortly we will be in spring and summer and there will be a huge variety of fresh ripe fruits and vegetables.

Wish me luck! 





P.S. If any of you are interested in making any of these changes in your life please contact me!

There are very few things I regret

In general, I do not regret much. I am not one to dwell on the past...I am usually anticipating the future.

I regret that I was a product of the 80's. Seriously mom! Was this really considered that cool that you would let me out of the house like this- especially to my own birthday party? Haha, my sister and I were literally just talking about this outfit this weekend and she found this picture yesterday. I thought I was hot S-H-I-T!

I regret not studying abroad in college. SCAD has a campus in the south of France- I'm a moron! The first two years I was in a relationship and the thought never crossed my mind, one year I was starting a business and I couldn't leave or it would cease to exist, another year I wasn't going because there wasn't one person I was remotely close with going. That is one thing I regret.

I was reading some of my random thoughts (I occasionally write them down) and one of the things I came across was my biggest regret. When my grandmother, Nani, was diagnosed with cancer, I took over the role of cooking for her (most of the time) and one of the things that she asked me for was to put potatoes in her chili. And I didn't. Why? Because potatoes don't go in chili.

What the F is wrong with me?

My grandmother was dying- put the damn potatoes in the chili. Anyway, I guess that's the stubbornness that I inherited from Nani.

I regret that my relationship with my boyfriend is all F-ed up AGAIN! It's really sad and frustrating when you try so hard at something that seems like it shouldn't be that hard. Or should it? I don't know. I hear that the people who have successful long-term relationships don't have to try that hard- it just works. And then I hear the opposite... that it is a job that you have to consistently try to work at. Why can't two people who love each other just be?

That's what I am going to work on... just being. I spend so much time worrying about the future and what-if-ing that I ruin today. Sorry for the Debbie downer post. I just had a mini-woe-is-me moment. I'm done.

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it 

only saps today of its joy.  

~Leo Buscaglia

Reflecting on the Last Year

I used to get hung up on 'not getting enough done'. I would beat myself up mentally which never resulted in better results, just more negative feelings. I started to look at things differently when I put myself through the Midwest Center for Stress & Anxiety. It was  a 15 week program which I started in October of 2010 and ended in January of this year (2011). One of the things that this program teaches is how to change your thinking, which will ultimately change the way that you feel. And it works. I was a walking billboard for chronic anxiety, self-doubt, anger, and worrying. But now I'm perfect! Haha just kidding!!!

One of the things I did to help me get over the 'not getting enough done' way of thinking was to write down what I actually accomplished. I sat down and thought about everything that I had done over the previous year. And you know what? When I actually took a few minutes to think about it (and write it down in black and white) I was proud of myself. I had done quite a bit. I did this exercise every week for a few months to try to build the habit.

Well, recently I have fallen back in that trap. It happens when I have a lot on my plate and am feeling scattered. My health coach (yes I have a health coach; one of the perks of going to school to get certified as one) worked it out with me so that my goal is to focus on one or two big things I have to do every week and put everything else out of my field of view so I do not overwhelm myself. In addition to that, I thought I would make a list of all of the things that I have accomplished this year. Here I go:

• started a blog
• enrolled in school to become a holistic health coach (and passed the 1st test)
• improved my diet by leaps and bounds
• lost weight (approx 10 lbs)
• reconnected with 5 old friends that I had fallen out of touch with
• came up with 2 different business ideas that I will be pursuing after Christmas
• learned 2 new computer programs (it would have been 3 if WordPress wasn't such a pain in my ass)
• made a raw cake
• took 2 vacations
• made a lot of progress in the LOVE department

I think that is pretty good for one year. I urge you to do the same. Sit down with yourself and make a list of all of your accomplishments over the last week, month, or year. It's shocking right?

What is an accomplishment you've made over the past year?

I should have been born French

I recently watched the movie Julie & Julia (I know it is a few years old) and was instantly enthralled by Julia Child. Honestly I could have done without the Julie character and her story (although that was a great accomplishment to have her blog turned into a major motion picture). They should have just done the movie about Julia Child. Anywho. Julia Child had spend years and in France "mastering the art of French cooking" which coincidentally is the name of her two volume masterpiece. I have not read it yet, but I am going to buy it and start working through it. She also has another book Julia's Kitchen Wisdom: Essential Techniques and Recipes from a Lifetime of Cooking which I think might be right up my alley. 


The real reason I am writing about this is because it occurred to me that she lived to be 92, and, from what I saw and know of her recipes, ate a high fat diet full of pastries and duck, beef and butter (among other things). This was back in the 1950's until the time she died in 2004. I do know that she used real, fresh, quality ingredients, and lots of love. She LOVED to cook and figure out the best ways to prepare any dish. A woman after my own heart. 

This raises the question... do the ingredient matter as much as the quality?


Let's take butter for instance. It is quite possibly my favorite fat and I will put it on anything that I can. According to SELF Magazine's Nutrition Data Website it is 99% fat and 1% protein. It is very inflammatory probably because it is a saturated fat from an animal source (I assume that they are rating this as bad as they are because it is high saturated fat and everyone is under the impression that saturated fats are bad- WRONG - unnatural fats are bad). It has upwards of 20% RDA of Vitamins A, D, E, & K as well as being a complete protein (a complete protein is a source of protein that contains an adequate proportion of all nine of the essential amino acids necessary for the dietary needs of humans or other animals).

So in butter's case, it is the saturated fat and cholesterol vs. all 9 essential amino "fatty" acids and 4 vitamins. Now obviously you can find these vitamins elsewhere in a wide variety of vegetables. The essential fatty acids are another story.


Two things:

• The complete proteins are called "essential" fatty or amino acids because our body cannot make them. We need to get them from other sources, and our bodies will not function properly if we are deficient.   
• The word "fatty" means they come from FAT. Therefore, you will be deficient if you eat a low fat diet. That means, if you only eat egg whites, boneless skinless chicken breast, no butter, and no meat you are running the risk of becoming deficient in one or several of the 9.

Yes you can find some of the 9 amino acids from other sources (legumes, grains, and vegetables) but they tend to be limited in the number of amino acids. Some are notably low, such as corn protein. Hmmmm, didn't I just find out that corn in the United States is genetically modified and shows up in a lot of the processed foods Americans buy? 

These are the foods naturally containing all 9 amino acids:  amaranth, buckwheat, hempseed, meat, poultry, soybeans, quinoa, seafood, and spirulina.


How many of those can you say you eat on a regular basis? Personally, I can say 1 regularly (seafood) and 5 occasionally. The three that I have never used in my cooking so far are amaranth, buckwheat, and hempseed. 


It is easy to get all of the essential amino acids if you eat a wide variety of unprocessed foods, but how many of you can say that?


So with all that technical stuff aside, let's get back to quality. After everything that I have read on the science of fats, dairy, the dairy industry, sugar, the sugar industry, soy, the soy industry, etc, it is my humble conclusion that the quality of the fats, sugars, and proteins are more important than the amount of saturated fat in something or the amount of carbs in something else. 

Instead of counting calories and grams of fat, try focusing on these few things that will make a tremendous improvement in your life:

1. Buy organic egg and dairy products. If you are lucky enough to live in a state or country that allows the sale of raw dairy take advantage. The packaging must say "without antibiotics and growth hormones" and would be a HUGE plus if it says "comes from grass fed/pasture raised animals". Cage Free is does not mean that the chickens live on a farm. They are given slightly better living conditions than normal (which isn't saying much). If you want to know how "conventional" animals are raised look up some videos on YouTube...a lot of it is worse than your wildest imaginations.
2. Buy meat from "humanely raised" animals. Grass fed is good too, but the regulations for raising grass fed animals go against what is natural for those animal. Animals eat other things than grass in nature. Organic means nothing unless it also says humanely raised or grass fed.
3. Don't buy processed soy UNLESS it is soy sauce, tofu, tempeh, or miso. Check all ingredients though because manufacturers sneak in bad ingredients to cut costs. 
4. Cut out as much refined sugar as you possibly can. Fruit sugar is different. We are meant to eat fruit. It has fiber in it which slows down the absorption into our blood stream. Fruit is also bursting with vitamins, minerals, anti-oxidants, and cancer-fighting nutrients. 
5. NO TRANS-FATS. Partially hydrogenated and hydrogenated oils make up this category. They wreak havoc on your bodies in many different ways. 

Long story short...EAT LIKE JULIA DID...REAL, HIGH QUALITY FOODS COOKED WITH LOVE.

She was funny too!

Do What You Love & Love What You Do

I have struggled with this since I took the job in Atlanta right after graduation that I knew I didn't want. I took it because it was a great salary right out of grad school, and the thought of moving to a new city was exciting. While I loved my weekends out on the town, I dreaded the week days that were filled with anxiety, boredom, and doing stupid S-H-I-T-T-Y work that I didn't care about.

Next up was a stint designing clothing. At first it was interesting because I was learning a lot. But once that learning curve was over I quickly grew tired of the work. I wasn't in love with it.

After that I started working with my father on a few of his small businesses. While I enjoy the work (a lot of graphic design, websites, and organizing), the flexible schedule, and getting to see him every day, after about a year and a half I was loosing enthusiasm for what I was doing.

I am now 29 and I just recently I had a heart to heart with myself about what it is that I love doing. I love to cook. I could do it all day every day. I love organizing things- a closet, a filing cabinet, my garage- it doesn't matter. I love designing- graphic design, interior design. I love making things- hair clips, things out of concrete, paintings. I love learning new things- I have had a new found love (some would call it an obsession) with eating healthy to prevent cancer and other chronic illnesses.

I realized that I need to focus on what I love doing. I am not good at being unhappy. I have always heard that if you do what you love then the rest will fall into place. I have previously taken jobs because of the money, and it backfired. Until recently I never really thought about how I could incorporate what I love doing into a career.

I suggest everyone think about it. You may find that you really do love what you do- if so congratulations! You may realize that you are not really doing something that you love, but may not be able to make a career change right away. That's OK. At least it will give you something to look forward to and be excited about. Ultimately you can change your career, I have done it 3 times already. Yeah I took a huge pay cut, but what I am doing now does not seem like work. I get to learn new things every day, cook and tell people about it, and make positive changes in my life. The money will come. (I never turn down donations if you are feeling generous today ;) And at the end of the day, I would much rather be a little bit poorer and doing something that I love than richer with miserable days.

Think about it...you spend at least 8 hours a day at work, with your crappy coworkers, doing work that you probably don't care about. That is 1/3 of your life.

It is sad when you see people who really love what they do pass away at an early age. I know it is old news that Steve Jobs died, but I thought it appropriate to include something he said because it's right in line with what I am writing about.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do," he told the Stanford grads in 2005.

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."

Food for thought!