Checking In

Well, I'm off for another bachelorette weekend with the most amazing people! But before I go, I thought I would do a little checking in since it's been a while. As those of you who read this blog know, I went through a bit of a funk in the past few weeks. I felt stuck, slightly bored, and frustrated. Thankfully I'm out of it and things are looking up!

While I was in said funk I got so fed up that I started doing anything I could to snap myself out of it. One of the things that I did was start reading Spontaneous Happiness by Dr. Andrew Weil. It was not what I expected, but it helped to know that other people go through the same things that I do (i.e. spontaneous bad moods that last weeks). The book is called Spontaneous Happiness, but there was a lot of talk about spontaneous unhappiness.

Anyway, in his book he asks a series of questions so you can figure out where you are. Read on...

Q: Do you have any illnesses? Symptoms that concern you?
A: Not that I'm aware, but my right elbow mysteriously started hurting about a week ago and was made worse when I tripped and superman-ed the boardwalk the other day. LOL thankfully it was in the afternoon when no one was really around.

Q: Are you regularly taking any dietary supplements or herbal remedies?
A: Yes, FIBER! You don't want to know what happens when I don't.

Q: Are there any illnesses that run in your family?
A: Yes, cancer, both sides, various types; also thyroid issues.

Q: On a scale of 1 - 10, with 1 being very unhealthy and 10 being very healthy, rate your present state of health.
A: Well I have always been prone to getting sick very easily, and have to seriously watch how I take care of myself, but in the grand scheme of things I would consider myself a 7 or 8. Compared to the "typical American" I would consider myself a 10.

Q: Have you ever been diagnosed with a mood disorder?
A: Lol, no but if a doctor could read my thoughts at the height of my PMS episodes I'm sure I could be diagnosed with multiple mood disorders.

Q: Have you ever suffered from depression or anxiety?
A: YES & YES. Mild bouts of depression have coincided with the times that I have had really bad general anxiety. Thankfully, I learned how to get rid of the daily anxiety I suffered with, and when if flairs up I can usually talk myself out of it.

Q: Do you think you eat a healthy diet?
A: On the weekdays yes, weekends are questionable. But I'm sure everyone thinks they eat healthier than they do.

Q: How much caffeine do you consume?
A: Hardly any now. I have always been a big coffee drinker (I LOVE IT!) but when I went through the attacking anxiety program I learned that caffeine is a big anxiety trigger so I decaffeinated myself. Now I only drink half calf if I absolutely am exhausted and can't take a nap.

Q: Do you have good friends?
A: YES! THE BEST!

Q: Do you get stuck in thought patterns that make you depressed or anxious?
A: Ummm, yes and yes. I am a pro at playing out a scenario in my head before it happens, and twisting myself up imagining the worst. It never happens in real life the way it happens in my head. Now when I catch myself doing that I say, "STOP! You're doing it again" (in my head of course). I don't talk to myself out loud thank god.


This was just a few of the pages of questions. It's good to write these things down in black and white. It's nice to be honest with yourself and really know how and why you feel the way that you do, see how far you've come and be able to laugh at yourself from time to time. 

Off to have some much needed fun with the girlies at the beach!

Staying at emotional sea level

I am reading Spontaneous Happiness by Dr. Andrew Weil because I have been in a perpetual Debbie Downer mood now for a few weeks and it's pissing me off. So I'm doing everything I can to get myself out of it.

Let me just preface this post with this statement... I know I have no real problems. I'm not sick, no one in my life is sick or dying. I love what I am doing and feel fulfilled professionally. This has been making me feel even worse because I know there are people out there with real, serious problems. 

With that being said, I am now immersing myself in all things happy. I am probably about half way through this book, and although he has some valid points (which I will get to in a few sentences) it is a very technical book. Buyer beware...there is a lot of talk about the brain and neurochemicals and all that sort of stuff. Some of it is over my head, but I get the gist of it.

One of the things that he talks about is the fact that bouts of mild depression (or prolonged bad moods) are actually quite common and normal. He talks about how the state of our emotions can be compared to a boat in the ocean. The waves fluctuate and the boat is in constant motion from the top of the wave to the bottom of the wave.

"I believe that it may be normal, healthy, and even productive to experience mild to moderate depression from time to time as part of a variable emotional spectrum, either as an appropriate response to situations or as a way of turning inward and mentally chewing over some problems to find solutions. I still value my occasional periods of depressed mood as sources of intuitive knowledge, inspiration, and creative energy, and when I come out of them, I feel more vital and am more productive. I have found strategies to help me get through them, and I'm much relieved that I no longer get stuck in them." -Dr. Weil

I happen to be at the bottom of the wave right now. So I keep telling myself peaks and valleys are normal. I'm just in a valley right now, which has happened to me before and I've come out of quite successfully.

What do you do to get yourself out of a funk? I'm looking for some creative suggestions.

Seeking Motivation

I've been in a funk lately. I am trying to pull myself out of it, but it's been a slow and not so pleasant process. By trying I mean I'm basically forcing myself to do things that I know I should be doing (working out, eating right, not sleeping my life away) and forcing myself to do the things I have to do (working, eating) and force myself to do the things I should want to do (being out and about).

I keep telling myself to "act as if" and eventually I will feel better. I guess it's working because I do feel better than I did a week ago.

I've also been looking for different things that I can do to get outside of my "box". Last night I went to a raw food group meeting with Victoria Moran as the guest speaker. I went specifically because she is an excellent speaker and very motivating. After 2 hours of listening to her I felt better. I feel more like myself again. Further proof that I need to seek out more people that will motivate me.

If you are in the Ramsey, NJ area and are interested in learning more about raw foods/healthier living there is a great Raw Food Support Network run by Karen Ranzi.

Anyone have a fix for a funky mood that you can't beat?

Hunger Pains

I'm not talking about physical hunger, like "I haven't eaten in hours and my stomach is growling". I'm talking about the hunger pains you get when something in your life is missing, or maybe a lot of things in your life are missing. How do you feed that hunger for love from others, a career you love, a life you love? SHOPPING!

I used to shop my hunger pains away and the degree of my shopping sprees were based on how miserable I was at the time. I think I figured out why so many people buy so many things. Getting new things fills the void.

When I was living in Atlanta I was at the height of hating my life and thus my bank account suffered. I hated my job and felt like I was stuck there because I had signed a year lease on my apartment and made the move from Savannah to Atlanta. I made a commitment to my employer. Plus, I wasn't ready to move home yet, which was pretty much my only other option at that point. I had no serious love interests and within months of moving to ATL all of my friends had serious boyfriends and became much less available. That was the first time in my life that I was truly lonely.

So I shopped. I bought clothes, shoes, more shoes, furniture, and sporting goods for my new hobbies to fill the alone time I had so much of. No wonder I was always running low on funds. I was shopping every week, several times a week. I would buy new things and then lose interest in them rather quickly. Like with clothes. I wore something a few times at the most and then didn't like it anymore. So I would go out and buy new.

Fast forward to now and I feel the exact opposite about most everything in my life. Aside from the fact that I'm completely and totally single, I am really happy about everything else that is going on in my life. I am finally (!!!!!!!) doing something that I love and that I actually think will make a difference in people's lives, I love where I live, I love my friends and family, and I just got a beautiful new car! And guess what I have zero urge to do? SHOP!

I'm not kidding, this is probably the happiest I've ever been in my adult life and the least I have shopped. EVER! I went shopping once at the beginning of May and bought a few things that I needed, but other than that nothing. My favorite past time is usually digging for hours in the racks at Marshall's and I haven't been there in many months.

Happiness is a work in progress and I think for a lot of people (including myself) it is something that has to be worked on constantly. Instead of buying my happiness, I am working on filling those voids with substance.

So the question of the day is if you are filling your life with stuff, what void are you actually trying to fill? 

SHOCKING: Paula Deen Has Diabetes

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(source)

I could have told you 10 years ago that Paula Deen was going to eventually get diabetes. You CANNOT eat the way she cooks and expect to stay healthy. Now I have no idea if she eats everything she makes on her show (and for her cookbooks) but I suspect she dabbles (a lot!).

(source)

My first exposure to Paula Deen was when I moved to Savannah, GA to go to college. Her restaurant, Lady & Sons, was the talk for a while. I never actually ate there mainly because I ate at another "Southern" home cooked barf fest of a restaurant and I couldn't stomach putting myself through that misery again. Especially considering Savannah's weather. You walk out of the restaurant- after eating macaroni & cheese, grits, potatoes au gratin, 4 types of meat, banana pudding, collard greens fried in lard (I think this is thrown in there just so they can make themselves feel better because it started out as a vegetable), and 2 gallons of sweet tea- and the humidity smacks you in the face like an abusive husband. All you want to do is lay down and sleep your over-stuffed guilt away.

A few things:

• these are my humble opinions about this issue
• she said that it took her 3 years to publicly admit she has diabetes because she didn't have all the information...it doesn't take a genius (or 3 years) to Google "causes of diabetes" and put two and two together to come up with the conclusion that the way she eats is effecting her health
• she doesn't seem to be concerned that the empire she built on sugar, white flour, and deep frying is making her sick
• she is now partnering with a company that makes diabetes meds...talk about taking the easy way out!
• she could have tried to partner with Dole, Chiquita Banana, or Sunkist...at least she would've been eating more fruit & vegetables

(source)

Now, if instead of acting like a naive Southern lady, Paula Deen came out and announced publicly that she had diabetes and the reason was because she wasn't eating properly I would definitely have her back. It shows strong character to admit when you've been schooled by mother nature. She is big-time enough where she could have flipped it into a boost for herself and her brand. 

(source)

Maybe she needs to find another Marketing/PR team or maybe she needs to pull her head out of the pharmaceutical company's ass. 

oh Jesus

Type 2 diabetes is 100% reversible with a whole foods, plant-based diet. 100% It really boggles my mind that more people don't know this. Do yourself (and everyone you care about) a favor... if you are overweight or obese or have Type 2 diabetes...put down your giant Italian hoagie, your high fructose corn syrup-laden cereal, your Paula Deen cookies and go read up on eating whole foods (fruit, vegetables, whole grains like rice and quinoa, nuts and seeds) and the positive impact it will have on not only your diabetes, but cholesterol, high blood pressure, allergies, fatigue, depression, etc, etc. It won't take you that long to figure out.

my favorite by far
(source)

It is one thing to eat like this on special occasions, but it is entirely another to eat like this on a day to day basis. One last tidbit of info about Type 2 Diabetes...when you get diagnosed it takes 10-15 years off your life expectancy. 

Shocking, I know, and so simple to avoid.



UPDATE: So obviously after posting this a few minutes ago I found Paula's new website Diabetes In A New Light. Take a look a the video on the homepage. Let me know if you think this lady is ever going to beat it...this is 100% pro-pharmaceutical propaganda. Sorry Paula, you sold out. 

I'm F.I.N.E.

I made it through Christmas with only 2 freak outs. With that being said I actually had an amazing weekend, and I know not to expect perfection because no matter how hard you try things tend not to turn out exactly the way you plan.

I listened to a lecture last week from John Douillard, PhD, who is an expert in Ayurvedic medicine and lifestyles. Anywho, he was talking about when women say they are fine. Ladies you know what I'm talking about. When you are in an argument with someone and instead of actually saying how you feel you say...I'm FINE. Most guys take this at face value and don't ask you what's wrong, in turn feeding your psychosis. Well John Douillard summed it up quite nicely.

FINE= Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, & Emotional

I used to be a pro at this. Pretending I wasn't upset and stuffing my feelings came natural to me, and caused me a lot of extra frustration because instead of just airing out my beef when it came up...I would stuff it, let it simmer and stir, analyse every single aspect of it, let it simmer, progressively getting angrier until I EXPLODED on whoever pissed me off. 

Now that I am older and wiser I just let it all out as soon as I get pissed off. It's actually so much better (for me, maybe not for everyone else) and rids me of a lot of potential anxiety. It also isn't healthy to walk around with so much anger/frustration/hostility/resentment etc.,etc.

So ladies...next time you feel inclined to say you are FINE. Take a deep breath, and let it all out. It is no good to let it simmer, AND guys don't take hints. You need to S-P-E-L-L it out for them. 

Being a psychopath is not pretty....even if you have perfect hair!

FACT: Nuts are good for you

Nuts have gotten a bad wrap over the past few decades because they are high in fat. Which is true. However, they are a whole food that contain protein, fiber, various vitamins, minerals, and many other important things that we probably aren't even aware of. 

Here's another tid-bit of information: they improve your mood. Two handfuls of cashews have been shown to have the same effect as taking Prozac. What? You heard me. Chemically, nuts have the same effect as anti-depressants. So if you're feeling a little blue try incorporating a variety of nuts into your diet. 

Almonds are high in B vitamins, vitamin E, and magnesium. Peanuts (technically a legume) are rich in folate and antioxidants. Pistachios are a source of chlorophyll and potassium. Hazelnuts are full of compounds that help your heart and brain. Pecans (pi-cons) apparently have more antioxidants than wild blueberries (supposed to have the most according to what "we" know now). Walnuts are high in omega 3 fats and vitamin E. 

What is the easiest way? Trail mix...I know it's not sophisticated, or classy, but it's easy and gets the job done. You can make it in big batches, carry it with you in you car, your purse, keep it at work...where ever!

• almonds
• cashews
• pistachios
• walnuts
• pecans (said pi-cons, not pee-cans)
• hazelnuts
• raisins
• dried apricots
• dried cranberries
• dried cherries
• dried gogi berries
• dried dates
• dried banana chips
• raw cacao nibs
• granola chunks

The problem is you can get carried away, and then the amount of fat in them becomes an issue. Also, if you are looking for granola that is healthy, you aren't going to find it very easily. Most of the store bought kinds are LOADED with sugar. At least if you make your own, you can control how much sweetener you put in and what kind (I use agave nectar usually).

*The nutritional info above is what we know now. The science of nutrition is in its infancy in my (humble) opinion. We have only scratched the surface as far as how our body utilizes everything we get from whole foods. That is why it is so important to be eating a diet primarily based in whole foods and not processed foods. 

COFFEE- a drug in a mug?

I could probably say that I know less than a handful of people who DON'T drink coffee on a regular basis. Recently I have been one of them. I had a long standing love affair with my morning cup of coffee which I have recently kicked- and not by intention. Is coffee good for you? Is it bad for you? That is what I intend to shed some light on.

For many years (actually over a decade) I have been drinking coffee every morning, and sometimes in the afternoons. I have tried to stop drinking it, craving it, wanting it. I tried switching to tea with no success. I tried stopping cold turkey- horrible disaster. Actually one time when I hadn't drank any coffee for a few days while I was sick, I developed really bad headaches. My doctor told me my brain was swelling, no joke. I was sick and on this medicine which had a "rare" side effects of brain swelling. She told me I had to go immediately to another doctor for testing. Well on the way, I stopped to get a coffee, and what'd ya know? My headache went away.

I don't know about you, but if I was a doctor, and I knew about caffeine withdrawal headaches, that is one of the first things I would ask my patient who was complaining of bad headaches- "How long has it been since you have had coffee?" Instead she sent me into a panic and ordered thousands of dollars of testing. That was an awesome experience let me tell you.

Anyway, back to coffee, and more importantly caffeine. I have been decaffeinated for about a year now, and I did it very slowly. I started mixing decaf into full strength 25/75 then 50/50 then 75/25 then all decaf. It was pretty easy and I didn't get any withdrawal symptoms. My reason for decaffeinating was because my anxiety was through the roof. Anyone who suffers from anxiety will benefit tremendously from cutting out caffeine completely. To give you an example. I was still heavily working on getting rid of my anxiety, but was already decaffeinated. One day I woke up and made coffee at the boyfriend's apartment, it was regular, and I completely forgot that I was not drinking regular coffee anymore. About an hour later I noticed my anxiety was through the roof and I couldn't get things done fast enough, leading to more anxiety (think when Magda from There's Something About Mary was on drugs and vacuuming).

Anyway, there are very real reasons why caffeine effects people's moods and stress/anxiety levels. I just read a section of Integrative Nutrition: Feed Your Hunger for Health and Happiness (one of the books included in the health coaching course I am taking) about coffee, caffeine, and how ridiculous we all are about it. Here are some snippits:

• Coffee producers spend alot of time touting it's health benefits and ignoring the risks. It is said to enhance alertness, concentration, physical performance, and even prevent diabetes and cancer. Not sure about you, but I see plenty of obese people drinking coffee who I'm sure have some degree of insulin resistance - not sure about you but my common sense is not telling me to drink coffee to prevent diabetes. That is like telling people to eat whatever they want, take vitamins, and they won't get sick (topic for another post).
• Caffeine inhibits absorption of essential minerals such as iron, magnesium, zinc, and B vitamins. All very important for synthesizing energy in your body.
• Caffeine wakes us up in the short term, but in the long term it disrupts the immune system from being able to defend against disease. 

"Coffee is simply a drug in a mug, presented in a more socially acceptable way than having a hypodermic needle stuck in your arm."  -Joshua Rosenthal, founder of Institute for Integrative Nutrition

Gary Null, PhD has "spent his entire adult life has been spent fighting for a better way for all of us to live." His website (www.garynull.com) focuses on getting health information out to people who are concerned and want to take a proactive approach to staying healthy. He researches and writes about everything health related from vaccines to food born illnesses to the government's roll in food. I have had one of his articles on caffeine (Caffeine: Psychological Effects, Use and Abuse) for a while that I have been meaning to read, but haven't up until today. Here is a summary:

"Caffeine, probably the most widely used drug, affects the psychological state of those who consume it. It is a habit-forming drug in which tolerance develops. The fact that it is a drug with potentially powerful psychological effects escapes most of us who think coffee is a relatively harmless beverage. Caffeine has not only been considered habit forming, but also addicting."

"Caffeine particularly has a profound effect on the central nervous system, but it also effects to a lesser degree the heart muscle, gastric secretions, and diuresis (urine production). The equivalent of one or two cups of coffee (150-250 mg of caffeine) is sufficient to induce adverse effects." 

"Caffeine has a psychological half-life of three and a half hours to six hours. It's psychological effects are observed in less than one hour. Infants do not metabolize caffeine as well adults and thus have a half life of about 4 days. Certainly continuous ingestion of caffeine by infants can be dangerous. Caffeine can accumulate in severe liver disease when its half-life can increase to 96 hours. If these patients drink coffee they should be closely monitored."

"Caffeine is known to interact with other drugs resulting in modified effect. For example, caffeine administered with Nardil (an MAO inhibitor) caused headaches and high blood pressure."  

"Caffeine has a profound effect on sleep. Heavy and continued use of caffeine results in tolerance so that heavy users have less sleep disturbance or need more to obtain its stimulating effect." 

Well I can tell you from my experiences that if you have a tendency towards being psychotic (oops! I mean anxious) caffeine definitely has a major effect. I mentioned before that I kicked this habit and not intentionally. When I started making my morning smoothies, I would drink some right away and wait until I got to the office to make coffee. I am not exaggerating when I say that I just gradually drank less and less of my coffee every morning until I realized one day a few weeks ago that I hadn't made coffee in several days.

I still love the taste of coffee and drink a cup of decaf every so often, but I don't crave it and I sure don't need it to start my mornings anymore. AND the funny thing is that I have more energy since I started drinking fruit and vegetable smoothies in the morning instead of coffee.

All around a positive change I would say. :)

WARNING: If you are going to try to decaffeinate yourself...do it very slowly over the course of a few weeks so you don't get withdrawal symptoms.

Friends Are the Best Medicine

More specifically, girlfriends are the best medicine! This past Sunday when I was having an extended woe-is-me moment in my bed, my great friend Kelly (on the right) called and peer-pressured me (she's good at that even through the phone) into meeting up with her and a few other fun ladies.

Thank god she called and I forced myself to get out of bed, shower, put on makeup. It was a beautiful early fall day while we sat on a rooftop and had a few buckets of coronas. And! The best part was that I hung out with one of my oldest friends, Lisa (left), who I have not seen in like 7 or 8 years! I was so happy to hear her laugh and talk about where we have been and where we are now.

Just goes to show you what great friends are for. Thank you especially to Julie, Michelle, Chaump, Kelly, Lisa, Colleen & Kim. You ladies were life savers and mood lifters this past weekend.

You know, I read somewhere recently (if I can find it I will update this post) that women live longer and are happier if they have great friends. I am not sure if this applies to men, I think statistically they die younger anyway (sorry guys!). But it makes sense. Your girlfriends are the ones that you can talk to about anything, and they will listen up to the point of you being a broken record. Then they usually (in the case of my friends) point out the fact that they have heard the same thing over and over and say "Grow a sack!"

Sometimes change is hard. If I want to change my bedroom decor- easy. Switching careers- easy. Getting the motivation to fold and put away my laundry- not so easy. Stop something you know needs to be stopped that involves someone you love tremendously- hard. I'm trying to keep my head high, and thank god that I am super busy this week at work and have school work to finish.

1st chance to open my eyes

2nd chance to open my eyes 

3rd chance to open my eyes

4th chance to open my eyes, looks like I was close

The moral of the story is that I am so grateful to have had one group of girlfriends since grade school and another since high school/college, with a few extra additions here and there. Without them my life would not be as enjoyable, hilarious, grounded as it is. I love you all. And hopefully we all outlive the men and become serious cougars in our old age. JK! I love men.

On to switching everything from my old computer to my new computer! and dealing with the mess of wires that are on and under my desk. Sometimes Jessica runs on Dunkin.

Falling off "the wagon"

I fell hard. I was doing great, and then had a major emotional setback (don't worry no one died). It is amazing how your emotions can affect your hunger, cravings, and motivation.

Friday night disaster.

Saturday morning emotional mess. Forced myself to eat half a pear. Walked 6 miles on an empty stomach because I had zero appetite. Forced myself to eat 3 farm eggs. Slept for 3 hours. Forced myself to go out to dinner with one of my best friends. Didn't even eat the Italian bread (my favorite by the way). Forced myself to eat some salmon w/ garlic mashed potatoes, mushrooms, and vegetable slivers.

Sunday morning emotional mess. No motivation- laid in bed for 2 1/2 hours talking on the phone and had every intention to stay in bed all day. Forced myself to get showered and dressed to meet up with some friends. Forced myself to eat a bagel w/ cream cheese. Forced myself to "have a good time". On the way home I actually felt somewhat hungry for the first time since Friday evening. Picked up sushi (salmon avocado and asparagus) and then got a craving for pizza. Stopped and got that too.

What I learned this weekend:

• All of the fruits and vegetables I ate over the past week could not have prepared me for how my emotions took over my body.
• Pizza and sushi do not mix well. 
• I got a headache after eating too much pizza and sushi
• Washing dinner down with a movie about how you can completely transform your life by eating nothing but vegetable juice does not help.
• I get super thirsty after eating salty foods.
• Tomorrow has to be a better day

I will write more when I have more motivation. This was like pulling teeth.

RELAX! Everything Will Be Okay!

I woke up this morning and opened my curtains to find a lovely late summer morning. I normally don't do this but I decided to take my time. I made a cappuccino (a lovely gift from my boyfriend) opened up my new Bon Appetit and sat with the morning glories and crickets for about an hour. As I sat and read, I thought to myself "Why is it September 1st and this is the first time I am doing this this summer?" 

I am fortunate enough to live a 1/2 mile from the beach and have a patio off of my bedroom. I need to take advantage! Well that is what I decided to do every day until it gets too cold to sit outside (with my morning glories). 

Which brings me to what actually concerns me...STRESS & ANXIETY! I happen to be one of those people that are prone to being anxious, high strung, and tense (I sound like a blast I know haha). I tend to worry about things that may or may not happen in the future. I realize fully that this is useless, that worrying about something is not going to make any difference as to the outcome of a situation (and when I think about the times I fantasized an outcome...it never turned out the way I thought!). I have made it my personal mission to try not to let myself be effected by things that I cannot control. I still get frustrated and angry and worry, but not nearly as much as I did prior to reading a good book and completing a course on becoming less anxious.

A little background information about myself (in a nutshell)...

When I was in high school I remember myself being one of those girls that did what I wanted and if you didn't like it you didn't have to be in my life (somehow I still have the same great group of friends today!). I should have gotten in trouble more times than I can even remember, but apparently had a guardian angel looking over me. I wasn't reckless, but I wasn't careful either. My father asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said "an artist". His response was "artists don't make any money". I didn't care. I went to college half way across the country- twice. I got my bachelors and masters degrees in architecture (which was when I started suffering from self-imposed anxiety and by the way all anxiety is self-imposed). A week after graduation I moved to Atlanta for a job that I knew in my gut I didn't want to do. I took it because it was a great salary right out of college and that is what architecture graduates were supposed to do- sit in a cubicle and fix other people's shitty mistakes on ugly meaningless projects. During the eight or nine months I worked there every day was a countdown (this is where my anxiety gets bad). 

I wake up- countdown until I get into my car...

I get in my car- countdown until I get to my office...

I sit at my desk- countdown until I can leave my office...

I get home- countdown until I have to go to sleep...

EVERY DAY!

So you can see where I went off track. After I quit that job (just in the nick of time right before the real estate bubble burst) I moved home and did nothing for two months. I didn't know what to do. After I got sick of cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, going out for coffee, dinner and drinks, I offered to paint my parents house (the outside...I'm laughing as I write this because that is how bored I was...I WANTED TO PAINT THE EXTERIOR OF THE HOUSE!!). Luckily for me that was when I decided I was going to start looking for a job...and voila! Five weeks later I had a job doing something I knew nothing about (men's clothing), but I didn't care because it was creative and it paid money and it wasn't architecture.

That lasted about a year and a half until, for several reasons, I quit that and started working with my father. Almost immediately my Nani was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. Immediately I was in charge of running the business and helping my father with Nani. It was nonstop craziness for five months. I worked and worked and when I wasn't working I was at the house cooking and taking care of what needed to be done. I got in a workout every now and again, but through the whole ordeal I gained at least 10 lbs. After Nani passed away everything stopped. The stress stopped, the busyness stopped. 

Since college I had suffered from a low level of constant anxiety, and would get extremely stressed out in certain situations mostly involving too much work to do with too little time to do it in. I was very anxious all the time, and the partying and heavy drinking on the weekends didn't make matters better. Needless to say, I woke up wide awake one Monday morning about a month after Nani died at 6:30am (something that NEVER happens). I had racing thoughts and panic feelings. I tried to go back to sleep, tossed and turned, thoughts raced some more. I tried to get up out of bed to get ready for work, but would pace from the bathroom back to the bed. This lasted for 3 hours. I didn't realize I was in the middle of an anxiety attack until much later, but my father helped me by taking me to get this book, The Feeling Good Handbook. I spent the next week going through this book which I credit with getting me out of that anxiety hole I was in. I also ordered the Midwest Center's Attacking Anxiety & Depression Program and dove right in. 

The Attaching Anxiety program took 15 weeks to complete, and it was worth every minute and every penny. After I finished, I still had a little bit of generalized anxiety, but a couple of months after I finished it hit me one day....I haven't had the anxious feeling in a long time. It has been 7 months since I am anxiety free and I feel like I am myself again- back to doing what motivates me! It is amazing how little by little you can get off track and all of a sudden you are having a panic attack at 6:30am on a Monday morning. 

Stress, anxiety, and depression put unnecessary strain on your body in many different ways. When I look back at the high-stress or anxiety periods in my life I was always sick. When I lived in Atlanta I was sick every other week, and at one point for an entire month! I think this happens for two reasons- first stress/anxiety/depression cause chemical reactions in your body that cause a chain reaction. Your body is a machine. When one part isn't working properly it stresses the other parts, and when there is too much stress your body can't defend itself from invaders (colds, flus, infections, even growing cancer cells!) In my case I think the constant anxiety effected my immune system. The other reason is that for someone with chronic anxiety, it is easier to deal with a cold than it is to deal with the things that are causing the anxiety (the fact that I hated my job, the fact that I was 8 states away from my family and friends to name a few).

One of the most important things you can do to keep your body in a healthy state (just as important as the food you eat in my opinion) is keep your stress level down and work towards eliminating anxiety, panic, and depression. Stress is something that is sometimes out of your control. It is life. Sometimes life is good, and others it is bad. But I fully believe that anxiety, panic, and depression are 100% curable- I repeat 100% curable without drugs. Because I am living proof. It wasn't easy. I did alot of soul searching, thinking, and analyzing. But I can testify that I do not have any more anxiety and I did not take any meds in the process. 

Being less stressed makes life much more pleasant- so you can put everything aside and sit and enjoy a cup of coffee on a peaceful morning with the crickets!

RELAX! Your job will still be there, the laundry will get done. Everything will be okay!