Saturday, November 26, 2011

Does a bear S-H-I-T in the woods?

Yes. Do I have to S-H-I-T every time I am running in the woods? YES. What the hell? I mean, lately this has been happening quite a bit. Like every time I get a mile and a half from my car/house/gym I get the ' this really happening?' pains. My workouts lately (few-and-far-between) have been cut short and I have to walk all the way back.

Today, I got as far out as I possibly could and all of a pains, heavy breathing, bent over, racing thoughts. WTF? Why does this always happen to me? This time I made it all the way back to my car (running) before the really bad pains started. I chugged a water and raced back to my office.

Whew!! I missed a major malfunction by a few minutes.

I used to think that I was the only one that things like this happened to, but recently I came to the conclusion that there is no way that I am the only 29-year-old who sometimes comes close to crapping in her pants while working out. You know who you are! I actually haven't had an Oops-I-Crapped-My-Pants episode since I stopped taking Metamucil a couple of years ago.

Don't let it discourage you if this happens to you. If you have to crap in the woods, on the beach, or on the side of your house, just make sure no one is around, pop a squat, pull up your big girl panties, and afterwards run like hell to the closest bathroom. *Advice- do not wipe with leaves unless you are 100% positive you know what poison ivy, oak, and sumac look like.

These types of things will seriously teach you how to laugh at yourself. Does this ever happen to other people?

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